Dear world, meet my new friend Moses.
Thursday, August 12, 2010
Wednesday, August 4, 2010
these beautiful days.
You may have noticed that the majority of my posts on this little blog are visual records of my journey's for your viewing pleasure. This is for two reasons, first because I like taking pictures. Its much easier for my to share my life visually. Secondly, because it takes me a while to work through my thoughts, at least verbally. I have to mull over things in my mind for a while before I know how to say it in words (which made writing papers a nightmare).
All that being said, I've been thinking about giving an update on what all has been going on in my world for quite a while, and I think its about time I do.
I moved back home after finishing up school in Jackson a month ago feeling exhausted and a discouraged. I had spent some time praying and asking the Lord to somehow show me that I was doing the right thing, that choosing to go to Montreal was really walking in his will. You see, deep down I have always had this feeling that whatever it is that I truly desire, the Lord desires the opposite for me. There have been times that He has asked me to give up certain things, and those were the times when being obedient has been the hardest. Of course, after the fact I see in some small way why he asked me to give those things up.. I know this is all really vague. Nonetheless, I came home feeling unsure and unsettled about a lot of things, and even paralyzed in some ways.
After being home for about two weeks I went to a small group that is a part of a local young adults community that I attend. I was in a room with ten or so people my age, mostly strangers, and everyone was sharing some things they were going through or dealing with. One girl was telling us about something in her life that the Lord had asked her to give up to him and how she was stepping out in faith. All of the sudden while she was speaking this uncomfortable and familiar feeling started welling up inside of me. I began to almost panic on the inside. I thought for sure the Lord was asking me let go of this dream, this desire to be a part of ywam in Montreal, I thought for sure he was going to take this opportunity away. I said a quick prayer in my heart, Okay Lord, if you really don't want me to go I'll let go of this too. As I was praying he almost interrupted me with one word:
Fear.
All the emotion, all the confusion I had been experiencing for the prior month or so had been fear. Not a holy, reverent fear of God, but I was afraid of his will for my life, and as a result I wasn't allowing myself to be vulnerable with him. In that moment he revealed to me a bondage that I had put myself in and released me from it. He began showing me that he wants me to submit this desire to him and trust him with it but not to be afraid of his will.
Its amazing what freedom does. Immediately feelings of anxiety started to dissipate and I began to get more excited for my next adventure than I had been in a while. In just the past few weeks I have grown to trust the Lord in a different way.
A few days later I was at a worship service that is part of a worship arts conference in town every year. A leader began speaking to us to let go of whatever it is that we were holding onto and give it up to God. It could be a sin, a fear or a dream, even a good dream, but sometimes we begin to love the dream more than the Lord. I was at that time truly able to release my desire to go to Montreal up to him without fear or reservation, but truly trusting it to him, trusting his faithfulness. God is so good. In the midst of all of this beautiful revelation I have also received some very timely encouragement from many dear friends about this season that I am in as I prepare to go to ywam in Montreal.
In the meantime, and on a more surface level, I have been doing some random photography work here and there and am looking forward to doing more of my own shooting (I just got some more film, which for me is like christmas), and started waiting tables at a local restaurant. Support raising has been somewhat slow going, although lately I have been encouraged to receive financial support from some unexpected places. If you feel called to support me you there is a link at the bottom of this blog page, Right now I still need about 2500 for my initial cost (needed by oct 1) and about 7000 total.
T-minus two months and counting. I can hardly wait.
All that being said, I've been thinking about giving an update on what all has been going on in my world for quite a while, and I think its about time I do.
I moved back home after finishing up school in Jackson a month ago feeling exhausted and a discouraged. I had spent some time praying and asking the Lord to somehow show me that I was doing the right thing, that choosing to go to Montreal was really walking in his will. You see, deep down I have always had this feeling that whatever it is that I truly desire, the Lord desires the opposite for me. There have been times that He has asked me to give up certain things, and those were the times when being obedient has been the hardest. Of course, after the fact I see in some small way why he asked me to give those things up.. I know this is all really vague. Nonetheless, I came home feeling unsure and unsettled about a lot of things, and even paralyzed in some ways.
After being home for about two weeks I went to a small group that is a part of a local young adults community that I attend. I was in a room with ten or so people my age, mostly strangers, and everyone was sharing some things they were going through or dealing with. One girl was telling us about something in her life that the Lord had asked her to give up to him and how she was stepping out in faith. All of the sudden while she was speaking this uncomfortable and familiar feeling started welling up inside of me. I began to almost panic on the inside. I thought for sure the Lord was asking me let go of this dream, this desire to be a part of ywam in Montreal, I thought for sure he was going to take this opportunity away. I said a quick prayer in my heart, Okay Lord, if you really don't want me to go I'll let go of this too. As I was praying he almost interrupted me with one word:
Fear.
All the emotion, all the confusion I had been experiencing for the prior month or so had been fear. Not a holy, reverent fear of God, but I was afraid of his will for my life, and as a result I wasn't allowing myself to be vulnerable with him. In that moment he revealed to me a bondage that I had put myself in and released me from it. He began showing me that he wants me to submit this desire to him and trust him with it but not to be afraid of his will.
Its amazing what freedom does. Immediately feelings of anxiety started to dissipate and I began to get more excited for my next adventure than I had been in a while. In just the past few weeks I have grown to trust the Lord in a different way.
A few days later I was at a worship service that is part of a worship arts conference in town every year. A leader began speaking to us to let go of whatever it is that we were holding onto and give it up to God. It could be a sin, a fear or a dream, even a good dream, but sometimes we begin to love the dream more than the Lord. I was at that time truly able to release my desire to go to Montreal up to him without fear or reservation, but truly trusting it to him, trusting his faithfulness. God is so good. In the midst of all of this beautiful revelation I have also received some very timely encouragement from many dear friends about this season that I am in as I prepare to go to ywam in Montreal.
In the meantime, and on a more surface level, I have been doing some random photography work here and there and am looking forward to doing more of my own shooting (I just got some more film, which for me is like christmas), and started waiting tables at a local restaurant. Support raising has been somewhat slow going, although lately I have been encouraged to receive financial support from some unexpected places. If you feel called to support me you there is a link at the bottom of this blog page, Right now I still need about 2500 for my initial cost (needed by oct 1) and about 7000 total.
T-minus two months and counting. I can hardly wait.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)