St James photo workshop

A couple of friends and I have started teaching a photo workshop at St James. Yesterday was the second class and it went so well! The guys were so engaged in what we were doing, and they took some great photos. This week we talked about natural light at different times of day, and some techniques to use in different lighting situations. We went to a run-down alley that had a combination of overcast natural light and an eery orange light coming from a bulb on the wall; it proved to be a tough lighting situation, but it gave an interesting effect nonetheless. These are some of the photos I took of them...

Taking responsibility

One of my first influences in photography used to always say, "You have to take responsibility for every part of your frame," which was in essence was his nice way of encouraging us to quit making excuses for poorly composed images. I think over time, though, advice like this has helped me to simplify my photos compositionally. I went shooting the other day in Verdun and Laurier park with his advice in my mind. So, here is an attempt at taking responsibility... 

unlearning how to pray. (and other things i learned in the prayer room)

Last weekend I helped my friend from 24/7 Prayer Canada put together 48hrs of prayer for the city (like the one we did last year). The whole idea was to encourage folks from different church backgrounds to come together and seek God's heart for the city.

Because we didn't have as much help as we did last year, I ended up spending about 13hrs as the in-charge-person at the prayer room, both alone and with other people, over the weekend. However oddly enough, for someone trying to be so involved in promoting prayer for the city, I was really struggling with the idea of an event like this. Its hard to explain exactly why this is, I think I like the idea of prayer, it certainly has played an important role in my faith especially at specific times, but I think I was struggling with asking myself "what's the point of an event like this?" and even more specifically, "what's the point of prayer?"

I know what you're thinking... I mean I'm a missionary, I shouldn't question these things. But the questions "What kind of difference will these 48 hrs of prayer make? Is there really any point?" kept going through my head.

This made it kind of tough to promote the event with excitement. I kind of felt like a fraud encouraging people to come pray for the city while in the back of my head wondering if I really knew why I was going.  The night before my first long early morning shift in the prayer room, a friend asked me in a somewhat sarcastic manner, "So what do you expect to be different on Monday after you guys have prayed for 48hrs?" I responded by telling him that I didn't know what would be different in the city, but hopefully those who prayed for it will be changed.

There is was. Without even realizing it I had answered part of my question and frustration with prayer, especially in this context. Prayer changes us. But is that it? It seems like part of this mystery praying, but is it the only reason we pray?

Another part of the answer to my struggle came early Sunday morning. Not all of the prayer time slots were filled, so it was my job, as the in-charge-person, to pray until the next person arrived. So there I was, trying to pray for things that weren't really on my heart. Now, like many who grew up as Christians, I've always thought of prayer as one thing: me pouring my heart out to God, and then saying Amen. And no matter how many times I've been told that we should also pray by listening, meditation, contemplation, etc, I still end up finding myself following this specific "model" I learned as a child.

Anyways, that early morning I just couldn't do it; I couldn't force myself to "pray." So I just sat there and looked out the window as the city woke up, and I felt so much peace. I made myself sit still, and at that moment I experienced a much more real communion with God, without using words.

Everyday I receive a meditation from Richard Rohr from the Center for Action and Contemplation, the recent messages have been about wisdom. This is from one of his meditations a few days ago, "Enlightenment (referring to wisdom) is not about knowing as much as it is about unknowing; it is not so much learning as unlearning. It is more about entering a vast mystery than arriving at mental certitude... A too quick and easy answer is invariably a wrong one."

I think he is on to something. I believe once I think I know what prayer is, that is right when I probably don't really know at all. I realize now that part of my struggle has been wanting to know what prayer is supposed to be and really how to do it, but any "definitions" seemed insufficient. I think I'm realizing that prayer really happens somewhere between the learning and unlearning, between the knowing and unknowing. I think God is found between the seeking and the stillness. Maybe prayer is something we can describe but cannot define.

"Beauty resides where truth and goodness meet mystery..." I heard this said while listening to a podcast on beauty and art. What if this idea has something to do with prayer? What if in order to be real, to be beautiful, prayer shouldn't just contain truth and goodness, those things that are far more calculable, but also mystery, unknown, this thing that compels us but we cannot quite grasp?

During that time of stillness with God, he was reminding me that it is good to live with the mystery, to remember that in all the ways I know him, he is still unknown. And at that moment the Great unknown mystery was so very close to my heart.

Another beautiful moment came that same morning a few hours later when some friends from Echad came to the to pray together. We sat together on pillows and beanbags and each shared what was on our hearts, joys and struggles, and then together we talked with God about those things. It was in that time praying together with those people that I love, that i realized (again) that prayer also unites. It brings people together in a special, unique way.

So maybe at this point I still don't really know how to pray, but I think I'm just a little bit closer to the knowing, and also a little closer to the unknowing. Some things that are beautiful and important and necessary, aren't things that we can fully understand. But its good to live with the mystery.

new year, new pictures.

Happy new year world; we're only eleven days in and I like 2012 already. I've been terrible at blogging lately, however I haven't been terrible at communicating.. if you haven't received my updates via email and would like to please let me know.

I've finally gotten my darkroom set up again and have begun printing from some of the film I've shot since moving back to Quebec. Here are a few images from the past couple of months...

                  

old and new

 I waited quite a while to have some negatives mailed to me so that I could have them scanned; so, after weeks of anticipation (on my part at least), here are a few fun pictures I took before leaving the Carolinas. 

              

While meeting Beefany for coffee, this guy pulls out an old school handset, plugs it into his iphone
and makes a call. I'm pretty sure only he can pull that off. 

             

There are a number of reasons why I don't shoot weddings very often, but couples like Ashley and Eddy make it such a joy.

I just found a few rolls of film and I wasn't sure what was on them and when I had them processed I found these photos of some of my favorite people. I believe these were taken 1 1/2 ish years ago.

finally back

About 6 months ago, while riding on a train from New York City to Montreal, I began writing. I was trying to as honestly as possible to begin reflecting and processing through the experiences I had had in the months prior: all that I had learned through the dts, and life outside of it; what I was beginning to understand about community; what I was beginning to understand about myself. My attitude at that moment was somewhere between joyful and confused... mostly confused though, it is harder to understand things while you are still in the middle of them.

A few weeks ago I was back on that same train riding through those beautiful mountains and I began writing again. Naturally my perspective was very different, although once again I was in a very reflective mood (gotta love the mountains, they inspire). It was lovely to spend those hours alone, soaking the view and good music, thinking, praying, wondering. Maybe its because it is fall (which happens to be one of my favorite things), but I'm pretty sure that train through those mountains is magic.

Maybe someday I'll be able to make sense enough of what I've written in all of these attempts to process life to share with the some of you. Maybe not, we'll see.

But at last here I am, back in the city and full of anticipation!
I realized why I have been terrible about updating this blog, usually I use photos to tell the story of what is happening with me, but due to quite a bit of trouble with my luggage, the camera I usually use (along with some of my darkroom equipment) hasn't quite made it yet (fortunately my cameras will be here any day now, however if anyone wishes to contribute to the safely-ship-Alyce's-darkroom-equipment-to-Quebec fund please feel free to do so with the donation button at the bottom of the page). So here is a brief update on whats happening with me:

I've started taking french classes, which takes up quite a bit of time, but I'm learning and reviewing much grammar and things that I've forgotten. I started helping out again at St. James drop in center for the homeless; I'm helping more in the art room now than before, which is really fun, and I've learned quite a bit from the guys who come there. I've been doing lots of different things for ywam; doing some work on the website, preparing for the a big ywam conference on the challenge of post-Christendom we are hosting this spring. We are also in the middle of a lot of transition (which is both exciting and frustrating, to say the least), so there have been many conversations about our vision, ideas and plans for the upcoming season, and how our presence in the city and the christian community should change or adjust, if we will have another dts, if we will do something completely different (feel free to email me for specific ways you can pray about this with us).

Thankyouthankyouthankyou to all of those who have encouraged and supported me. It means more than you know.

As I was writing this the mailman came to the door with the box containing my camera, running shoes, extra hard drive, and a few other things I've been missing. woohoo!

you're invited.